December 11, 2003

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Jedi...

...is just one of the silly blends of Christmas and Star Wars I thought up last night.

To explain: A friend is throwing a Christmas party centered around a viewing of the Star Wars Holiday Special, the much-written-about, nearly unwatchable TV tie-in that aired once (and only once) in 1978 and was never heard from again. As my friend so eloquently described it in his email:

Chewbacca's gibberish-talking family is there. Art Carney, Bea Arthur, and Harvey Korman perform variety-show style skits that would have embarrassed Vicki Lawrence. Diahann Carroll performs. Jefferson motherfucking Starship performs. Mark Hamill looks like a drag queen. Harrison Ford looks embarrassed. Carrie Fisher sings a "Life Day" song to the tune of John Williams' familiar Star Wars theme. Boba Fett has his own cartoon.

Is this real? Did George Lucas's characters really whore themselves out in a slipshod 1970s made-for-TV special? You bet your ass they did. Word is, Lucas says if he had the time and a hammer, he would track down every single bootlegged copy of the SWHS and smash it.

Needless to say, it should be loads of fun.

The other attraction/diversion at this party will be an Inappropriate Ornament Contest. Basically, a no-holds-barred competition to see who can create the ornament in the poorest of taste, for what has been promised to be a "big" prize.

Although it's not required, one option that is highly encouraged is to merge the two themes -- Christmas and Star Wars -- together in this offensive ornament. I spent an hour or so late last night (I couldn't fall asleep) dreaming up ideas along this theme. A sampling (these are ones I won't be executing):

  • The aforementioned Rudolf the Red-Nosed Jedi (in defensive stance, light-saber drawn)
  • Manger scene with Young Anakin Skywalker as the baby Jesus
  • Santa in an Episode I-style hover chariot
  • Scene in which the Emperor greets the Three Wise Men, saying "Welcome to this fully operational Christmas Star!"
  • Jango Fett's severed head as a jingle bell
  • Yoda as the Grinch

I'm also thinking about making a gingerbread Star Destroyer or TIE fighter. Anyone free to help on Sunday?

Posted by Andrew Huff at December 11, 2003 03:06 PM
Comments

almost on topic: i remember a PSA with c3po and r2d2 where r2 was smoking and c3po was telling him that it was bad for him.

a smoking robot. from star wars. if kenny baker smokes, fine; although i hear it stunts your growth. but leave the moving trash can out of it.

Posted by: unmute at December 11, 2003 03:36 PM

By an amazing coincidence, the good folks at Delilah's are going to be screening this special Sunday night at 7. I stuck it on the GB calendar, and am planning to put up a notice tomorrow, alerting people to the screening before they finalize their weekend plans.

Posted by: jima at December 11, 2003 03:50 PM

Awesome.

I've not seen the smokin' robot PSA, but it sounds bizarre. Any luck finding it online?

Posted by: Andrew at December 11, 2003 04:14 PM

Yoda as the Grinch. That's pretty funny.

Posted by: Naz at December 11, 2003 05:47 PM

When I was a kid, my brother and I would play around the christmas tree as though it were a space station. The ornaments were base defenses, etc.

Posted by: Steve at December 11, 2003 06:39 PM

How about baby Yoda in the manger?

Posted by: Guinness at December 11, 2003 07:49 PM

The holiday special is great to say you did it, but I found it really tiring after the first twenty minutes or so. I think I actually had to leave the room after Jefferson Starship and the psychadelic camera effects. If your copy has the commercials, don't skip them! It's amazing how long they are. However, you might want to fast forward through the opening scene with Chewbacca's family sitting around doing next to nothing. It's even longer and less interesting.

If you liked the holiday special, you might also like the unrelated holiday album, "Christmas In The Stars" by collaborators whose names I don't remember, but I think included Maury Yeston. It features such hits as Anthony Daniels speak-singing the title track "Christmas In The Stars," "Merry Christmas R2-D2," and the unforgettable "What Do You Get A Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb)."

Posted by: Thor at December 12, 2003 02:15 AM

Yoda, Obi-wan, and Mace Windu as the three wise men? No, that's terrible.

How about Jabba the Hutt with nipple clamps and leather chaps?

Posted by: bran at December 12, 2003 11:08 AM

I can't believe I've never heard of this. I guess I should come out from under my rock a bit more often. If I send you blank tape can you make me a copy of it?

Posted by: Ryan at December 12, 2003 11:24 AM

It's not mine, so I can't make copies. Search the Internet and I'm sure you'll be able to find someone selling it.

Thor, I'll have to look for that album. It sounds deliciously hideous.

Posted by: Andrew at December 12, 2003 11:33 AM

here's the best i can do so far:

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/375.html

Posted by: unmute at December 12, 2003 03:25 PM