Taking Over the Meeting

Abbreviated thinking: Time is not on the side of those who ponder world domination. To really get a handle on the world, you need to start early -- get going by 30 -- even 28 -- or you're doomed.

The next generation of despot is leaner, meaner than you; they're going to take over, and you're just going to be a speedbump in their path. You need to be tougher, leaner, meaner, and willing to sacrifice creature comforts in the short-term in order to reap the fortunes of your conquered lands. Improve your speech delivery, bone up on political wrangling and character assassination, further develop your penchant for pomp: your outward appearance will help you gain an edge over lesser dictators. Speaking of: make sure your secretary is fluent in shorthand.

Your inner resolve must be solid as well; if you're going to close the deal for ultimate power, you've got to be calm and collected at the negotiating table. No matter how many armed thugs are at your side, if the other party can see you sweat, they've got the upper hand.

Plan carefully, and remember to include the following items in your briefcase:
• Breathmints -- don't overthrow without'em
• Talcum powder -- dry hands indicate a cold heart
• Antibacterial wipes -- the machinery of power is filled with germs
• Extra business cards

Posted by Andrew Huff at September 4, 2003 02:56 PM