...fourthirtyfour...

Poor Britney Spears. Her latest album isn't doing nearly as well as her previous one. What can she possibly do to survive this career slump?
Well, we can look to Madonna's career for some clues. Madonna got her start in the '80s pop scene as a slightly too sexy teeny-bopper with a sugary-sweet sound but no depth. (The fact that she wasn't a teenager didn't matter, her personna was such. And hell, the Backstreet boys are pushing 30.) As her popularity started to wane, she began to remodel herself as a very adult virgin-slut by playing with mature themes of sexuality and (pseudo-)religion. When it looked as though electronica would take over the world, Madonna shifted to embrace it. All the while, she found ways to shock, push and steal the spotlight. At one point, I mused that the only thing Madonna could do to shock anybody anymore would to become a mother. Two years later, she did.
So what does this mean for Britney? Well, she's just about worn out her welcome as the sugar-pop purveyor she's been, so she has a choice of heightening the sexual side of her work -- which would raise her standing with countless gay men and fathers of teen-age girls -- or moving to a more mature sound, aging along with her audience. I don't believe she has the chops Madonna has for self-evolution, but Britney's handlers certainly do. After all, they took a Mousketeer and turned her into a sex goddess, didn't they?

Oddly enough, a Google image search for "Britney Mouseketeer" turned up only one image -- of Christina Aguilera.

I'm not the only one who has advice for young Spears. Samantha Fox, ex-pop star and Page Three Girl, thinks Britney needs to start writing her own music, saying, ""As an artist you have a greater opportunity to work much longer, carry more responsibility and perform into your 50s when you write for yourself."
And Kylie Minogue, herself a pop sensation who grew up with her fanbase, said she should take more control over her career. "Her PRs have pushed her in the wrong direction and she is being misguided. Britney's been in the business a long time and she should know the ropes by now."