...fiveeighteen...

Haunted houses (and haunted trails) just aren't scary enough. In an age when bands like Slipknot and GWAR are commonplace, who's frightened by teenagers in rubber masks weilding fake axes? Here's what I propose:

• Set it up a trail in a large forested area. Let only one group in at a time, spaced 15 or 30 minutes apart, depending on the size of the trail. Groups form in a building with loud music playing to drown out outside noises.
  
• A guide leads the group through the beginning of the trail, which has some run-of-the-mill "scary stuff" -- witches around a cauldron, zombies, that sort of thing. After a few minutes walking through this, a band of hoodlums jumps the guide, who gets stabbed and falls to the ground. He tells the group to head back, but when they turn around there are more hoodlums (perhaps with chainless chainsaws? always scary) behind them, who drive them off in a different direction, which is lit with small lanterns.
  
• Once far enough from the hoodlums that the group calms down, speakers hidden along the trail start playing the sounds of animals growling. Shapes in the darkness suggest something is tracking the group. Lanterns get further apart, and the growling gets louder. As the group moves forward, several people dressed in black fall in behind them and move up to mingle with the group, making quiet but odd noises.
  
• Suddenly, the people in black start chanting loudly, shocking the members of the group who hadn't noticed their presence. Ahead on the trail, floodlights come on and the people in black scatter into the woods. The floodlights go out, and in their place a dim red light illuminates a small shack. The growling has stopped, and the sound of metal scraping metal comes from inside the shack. As the group approaches, a figure is visible in the windows, sharpening a rather grisly looking knife. Once the group surrounds the house, the man in the shack notices them and flies into a rage, throwing stuff around, then heads for the door and noisily comes after the group, who scurry down the trail further.
  
• The growling returns until flashlights become visible up ahead. The flashlights come closer, and eventually a "forest ranger" and his deputy encounter the group, carrying flashlights and a rifle. The ranger explains that he's been sent to get them by the management. Their guide is OK, but hoodlums are still around. More worrisome, though, is the pack of wolves that was reintroduced to the woods last summer. They'd been staying clear of this area, but recently they've been stalking the groups along the trail.
  
• Suddenly there's a rustling in the bushes, and the deputy takes aim and fires in that direction. A yelp is heard, then the growling starts up again, louder and angrier. The ranger quickly ushers the group along, while the deputy takes up the rear, occasionally shooting behind them. The group reaches the edge of the woods -- not far where they started, but far enough not to be heard by the waiting groups -- and the ranger thanks them for coming. Just then and hoodlum jumps out of the bushes and stabs the deputy for one last shock.